When I began to study the roles of men and women within the church something interesting happened to me. As I gained understanding of God's way of doing things, I took less and less on my own shoulders and began to relax and allow the men in my life (my son and my now ex-husband) to walk freely in the call that God had on their lives. God was in the process of shaping and molding them too and I was totally getting in the way of that simply because I didn't understand MY role.
Did you know that men are wired to be providers for their families? I didn't know that. Men are also wired to be protectors and leaders. Now before all my sisters go crazy thinking that I'm saying that women shouldn't be providers, protectors and leaders... I'm absolutely NOT saying that at all. What I am saying is that if a woman is in a relationship with a man and she doesn't have this basic understanding of the role of a man, then trouble is sure to result. On the flip side of this relationship, women by design are nurturers, home-makers and helpers. Any time either a man or a woman doesn't understand this, unrealistic expectations and hurt feelings are inevitable.
A man is the head of the house, just as Jesus is the head of the Church (body of believers-not the building). The Bible says that women are to submit to the leadership of their husbands. Now from a worldly perspective that doesn't sound very palatable for a woman. But when you dig in and look at the original translation of that scripture, you'll find that it simply means, "To fall under the protection of your husband." In our hearts we, as women, know this is true. Case in point:
Ladies have you ever had to take your car in to have a repair done? Your're there alone and discussing the nature of the problem. The service guy tells you how much it will cost and what the basic problem is. You even agree to a price and leave the car for them to fix. But when you come back to get the car, the charges have doubled and it "turns out" the repair guy was "wrong" on his diagnosis and is now going to charge you double in order for you to have your car back. How many times have you thought, "If I was a man, this guy wouldn't attempt to pull that on me."? I can tell you from experience it's happened to me A LOT in the last 10 years of being single. I also know that when I've shared that experience with Ruben (who has been my brother and protector in Christ for those 10 yrs), he blew a gasket over it. The bottom line is that had I been married and my husband taken the car in for repair, these things would happen less frequently. This is a very small example of what it means to fall under the protection of a male leader (Father, Husband, Brother, etc.).
Did you know that when decisions are being made, it's actually the man's responsibility to make the decision? That doesn't mean that we girls don't get to have an opinion. There should absolutely be a collaborative effort! However, when push comes to shove, the ladies need to defer to their men. Trust me... it really isn't worth it for either party to feel they have to be "right" all the time. Be smart... pick your battles! The bottom line is that the Fellas are always held accountable to God for their decisions and if they make the wrong ones, it's on them! Another case in point:
God created Adam and made him ruler over every living thing. Then he created Eve to help Adam and keep him company. If you look at Genesis and the creation story, you'll see that God told Adam he was in charge. He never said, "Okay, now that Eve is here, you don't have to be in charge all of the time. You just let her do whatever she wants to do." Adam had a responsibility to make sure Eve was safe and that she knew the rules of the Garden. Eve knew she was wrong to eat the fruit of the Tree of Good and Evil, but she took a stand of independence. She listened to the words of the serpent and made an independent decision to eat the fruit and the inevitable happened. However, when God confronted them about it, Eve blamed the serpent. Adam didn't take responsibility either. He even went so far as to say, "Lord, the woman YOU gave me has done this." Oh my... think about that for a minute. There was no collaborative decision and when it went ugly, they blamed everyone except themselves. See it's not a new problem... it's an age-old one. That story was written thousands of years ago. In modern-day terms, suffice it to say that if a man understands his role and walks confidently in it, then he has a lot of responsibility on his shoulders. If we ladies feel the need to "help" him out by being coarse and over-bearing and things don't work out, we have no one to blame but ourselves. But fellas, if you don't have the cojones to take responsibility and do your part, you have no one to blame but yourself.
My words are a call to wave the white flag!! We must determine in our hearts NOT to play the blame game. If your man makes a decision that is not what we ladies had decided was best and things go wrong, we have to refrain from saying, "I told you that wouldn't work!" But at the same time, it's not okay for men to "Lord It" over the ladies. Taking Gods intentions out of context is damaging for both men and women. History has shown us that. Other cultures have shown us that. Keeping God at the center of it is the key. HIS way of doing things takes all of the guess work out of it and frees us to be happy with who we are as sons and daughters of a God who loves us!
A man is the head of the house, just as Jesus is the head of the Church (body of believers-not the building). The Bible says that women are to submit to the leadership of their husbands. Now from a worldly perspective that doesn't sound very palatable for a woman. But when you dig in and look at the original translation of that scripture, you'll find that it simply means, "To fall under the protection of your husband." In our hearts we, as women, know this is true. Case in point:
Ladies have you ever had to take your car in to have a repair done? Your're there alone and discussing the nature of the problem. The service guy tells you how much it will cost and what the basic problem is. You even agree to a price and leave the car for them to fix. But when you come back to get the car, the charges have doubled and it "turns out" the repair guy was "wrong" on his diagnosis and is now going to charge you double in order for you to have your car back. How many times have you thought, "If I was a man, this guy wouldn't attempt to pull that on me."? I can tell you from experience it's happened to me A LOT in the last 10 years of being single. I also know that when I've shared that experience with Ruben (who has been my brother and protector in Christ for those 10 yrs), he blew a gasket over it. The bottom line is that had I been married and my husband taken the car in for repair, these things would happen less frequently. This is a very small example of what it means to fall under the protection of a male leader (Father, Husband, Brother, etc.).
Did you know that when decisions are being made, it's actually the man's responsibility to make the decision? That doesn't mean that we girls don't get to have an opinion. There should absolutely be a collaborative effort! However, when push comes to shove, the ladies need to defer to their men. Trust me... it really isn't worth it for either party to feel they have to be "right" all the time. Be smart... pick your battles! The bottom line is that the Fellas are always held accountable to God for their decisions and if they make the wrong ones, it's on them! Another case in point:
God created Adam and made him ruler over every living thing. Then he created Eve to help Adam and keep him company. If you look at Genesis and the creation story, you'll see that God told Adam he was in charge. He never said, "Okay, now that Eve is here, you don't have to be in charge all of the time. You just let her do whatever she wants to do." Adam had a responsibility to make sure Eve was safe and that she knew the rules of the Garden. Eve knew she was wrong to eat the fruit of the Tree of Good and Evil, but she took a stand of independence. She listened to the words of the serpent and made an independent decision to eat the fruit and the inevitable happened. However, when God confronted them about it, Eve blamed the serpent. Adam didn't take responsibility either. He even went so far as to say, "Lord, the woman YOU gave me has done this." Oh my... think about that for a minute. There was no collaborative decision and when it went ugly, they blamed everyone except themselves. See it's not a new problem... it's an age-old one. That story was written thousands of years ago. In modern-day terms, suffice it to say that if a man understands his role and walks confidently in it, then he has a lot of responsibility on his shoulders. If we ladies feel the need to "help" him out by being coarse and over-bearing and things don't work out, we have no one to blame but ourselves. But fellas, if you don't have the cojones to take responsibility and do your part, you have no one to blame but yourself.
My words are a call to wave the white flag!! We must determine in our hearts NOT to play the blame game. If your man makes a decision that is not what we ladies had decided was best and things go wrong, we have to refrain from saying, "I told you that wouldn't work!" But at the same time, it's not okay for men to "Lord It" over the ladies. Taking Gods intentions out of context is damaging for both men and women. History has shown us that. Other cultures have shown us that. Keeping God at the center of it is the key. HIS way of doing things takes all of the guess work out of it and frees us to be happy with who we are as sons and daughters of a God who loves us!
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