TWO BY FOUR TO THE HEAD...

Ever feel like the whole world is closing in on you... that everyone is "out to get you" and a few of them already have?  We've all been there... life get's hectic and you take a few hits you didn't see coming and the next thing you know... you're scrutinizing everything around you and you become hyper-sensitive to the slightest negativity.  We are all responsible for our OWN feelings but in turn we are responsible for how OUR words and actions affect others. We are to be as wise as serpents but as gentle as dove.  This is a bit of a balancing act and sometimes it's hard to know where you stand.  My Pastor once gave me an analogy that has stuck with me for 15 years.

"If you hit someone in the head with a two by four, does it hurt?"  You bet it does!!! "If you hit someone in the head with a two by four on accident, does it hurt?"  Well... of course... it still hurts.

If we think of words and actions this way, it becomes apparent that we may need to pay a little more attention to what we say and how we say it.  It does make a difference. The Bible says that the power of life and death is held in the tongue, which means we are either speaking life or we are speaking death to or about one another.  The Bible also says we eat good the fruit of our lips, meaning we will eat the words we speak.  If we are speaking rotten, ugly things over someone, that fruit isn't going to taste too good when it comes back around and we have to eat those things.  But if we are speaking life and positivity, etc. those words are going to be very palatable going down.

I don't know about you, but I'll take the good, sweet fruit over the rotten, ugly fruit any day!

If we are speaking negativity, it's time to take a look at ourselves and ask the hard questions:

1. Am I speaking death?

2. If the answer to that is yes, then why am I doing that?
3. What am I going to do to change that?

Once we've identified the problem, we need to filter it through God's Word and ask God to show us how to turn that around.  It can be as simple as paying attention to what we're thinking about and changing that to something positive.  Also, tempering our words with a little diplomacy certainly helps.


Bottom line... put down the two by four before you hurt someone! 

FEAR... MY BITTER ENEMY!

Today... my Pastor posted a simple question... "What new thing has God impressed upon you today?  Ask yourself."


He posts things like this all the time and I mostly just click "like" and sometimes share to my wall as well.  But today, I had to pause and reflect on this question.  Don't know why this particular question, but God really spoke to my heart about it.  As I continue to mull it over, I believe that He's trying to impress upon me that my answer to this question is the key to "everything" that's not quite right in my life.  Don't get me wrong... I have a great job, a wonderful relationship with a man whom I fully believe loves me more deeply every day, amazing kids/kids-in-law and grandkids.  There's just this lingering thing that I can never quite put my finger on.


Today... I answered Pastor Bill's question thusly, "That I am loved and it's okay to trust people and receive it... and that the speed of my healing is contingent upon my willingness to allow Him to heal my heart. That fear of being hurt again is my bitter enemy!"


Wow... what an epiphany! You can be the most loved person on the planet and your heart not truly receive that because of fear. 


Sometimes we can be in pain and maybe no one knows (including ourselves) and it can seem as if no one really cares.  And then again, others may know we are hurting and not know what to do to help us or know how to help us.  Most think that "time heals all things" but that's only true if we allow ourselves to be healed...


Isaiah 61:1 proclaims that the Lord sent Jesus to bind up the broken-hearted, free the captives and release prisoners from the darkness.  He came to do more than just relieve our pain... He came to correct the cause of our pain!  The real problem is a broken relationship with Him.  Even though I know Him intimately, I don't always filter everything through 'His way of doing things'.  I realize that my pain goes waaaaayyyy back.


I finally know what my New Year's Resolution is going to be... I'm going to purpose in my heart to allow that which was broken to be restored.  God I need you to help me with that, in Jesus' name I ask it! Amen!  


Hey if this applies to you too... please message me... we can pray a prayer of agreement and do this thing together! 

WELCOME TO FLIGHT 2012

Good Morning Ladies and Gents, and Welcome to Flight 2012. We are prepared to take off into the New Year. Please make sure your Attitude and Blessings are secured and locked in the upright position. All self-destructive devices should be turned off at this time. All negativity, hurt, and discouragement should be put away. Should we lose altitude under pressure, during the flight, reach up and pull down a Prayer! Prayers will automatically be activated by Faith. Once your Faith is activated you can assist other passengers. There will be NO BAGGAGE allowed on this flight. GOD the Captain has cleared us for takeoff -- Destination - GREATNESS! 

Are They Just Stoppin' By... Or Are They Stayin'?

You Are Beautiful... Believe It!!

OUR MEN ARE LARGE AND IN CHARGE...

Have you ever had a disagreement with a man??  Did you find yourself stubbornly refusing to concede, even though HE was right? At some point during my life I realized I was completely wrong in doing that, even if HE was wrong.  I've learned a lot about men in the last 15 years.  Things I would have never come to know had I not begun to look at myself.  Each of us have our own perspective on life... some of those views are rock-solid and we think that no one could possibly make us see things differently.  Well... if we are closed off and guarded all the time and if we have allowed our hearts to become hard... there's very little that can be done to help us be better and therefore HAPPIER.  I don't know about you, but I can always use, "HAPPIER"!

When I began to study the roles of men and women within the church something interesting happened to me.  As I gained understanding of God's way of doing things, I took less and less on my own shoulders and began to relax and allow the men in my life (my son and my now ex-husband) to walk freely in the call that God had on their lives.  God was in the process of shaping and molding them too and I was totally getting in the way of that simply because I didn't understand MY role.

Did you know that men are wired to be providers for their families?  I didn't know that.  Men are also wired to be protectors and leaders.  Now before all my sisters go crazy thinking that I'm saying that women shouldn't be providers, protectors and leaders... I'm absolutely NOT saying that at all.  What I am saying is that if a woman is in a relationship with a man and she doesn't have this basic understanding of the role of a man, then trouble is sure to result.  On the flip side of this relationship, women by design are nurturers, home-makers and helpers. Any time either a man or a woman doesn't understand this, unrealistic expectations and hurt feelings are inevitable.

A man is the head of the house, just as Jesus is the head of the Church (body of believers-not the building).  The Bible says that women are to submit to the leadership of their husbands.  Now from a worldly perspective that doesn't sound very palatable for a woman.  But when you dig in and look at the original translation of that scripture, you'll find that it simply means, "To fall under the protection of your husband."  In our hearts we, as women, know this is true.  Case in point:

Ladies have you ever had to take your car in to have a repair done?  Your're there alone and discussing the nature of the problem.  The service guy tells you how much it will cost and what the basic problem is.  You even agree to a price and leave the car for them to fix.  But when you come back to get the car, the charges have doubled and it "turns out" the repair guy was "wrong" on his diagnosis and is now going to charge you double in order for you to have your car back.  How many times have you thought, "If I was a man, this guy wouldn't attempt to pull that on me."?  I can tell you from experience it's happened to me A LOT in the last 10 years of being single.  I also know that when I've shared that experience with Ruben (who has been my brother and protector in Christ for those 10 yrs), he blew a gasket over it.  The bottom line is that had I been married and my husband taken the car in for repair, these things would happen less frequently.  This is a very small example of what it means to fall under the protection of a male leader (Father, Husband, Brother, etc.).

Did you know that when decisions are being made, it's actually the man's responsibility to make the decision?  That doesn't mean that we girls don't get to have an opinion. There should absolutely be a collaborative effort!  However, when push comes to shove, the ladies need to defer to their men.  Trust me... it really isn't worth it for either party to feel they have to be "right" all the time.  Be smart... pick your battles!  The bottom line is that the Fellas are always held accountable to God for their decisions and if they make the wrong ones, it's on them! Another case in point:

God created Adam and made him ruler over every living thing.  Then he created Eve to help Adam and keep him company.  If you look at Genesis and the creation story, you'll see that God told Adam he was in charge.  He never said, "Okay, now that Eve is here, you don't have to be in charge all of the time.  You just let her do whatever she wants to do."  Adam had a responsibility to make sure Eve was safe and that she knew the rules of the Garden.  Eve knew she was wrong to eat the fruit of the Tree of Good and Evil, but she took a stand of independence.  She listened to the words of the serpent and made an independent decision to eat the fruit and the inevitable happened.  However, when God confronted them about it, Eve blamed the serpent.  Adam didn't take responsibility either.  He even went so far as to say, "Lord, the woman YOU gave me has done this."  Oh my... think about that for a minute.  There was no collaborative decision and when it went ugly, they blamed everyone except themselves.  See it's not a new problem... it's an age-old one.  That story was written thousands of years ago.  In modern-day terms, suffice it to say that if a man understands his role and walks confidently in it, then he has a lot of responsibility on his shoulders.  If we ladies feel the need to "help" him out by being coarse and over-bearing and things don't work out, we have no one to blame but ourselves.  But fellas, if you don't have the cojones to take responsibility and do your part, you have no one to blame but yourself.

My words are a call to wave the white flag!!  We must determine in our hearts NOT to play the blame game.  If your man makes a decision that is not what we ladies had decided was best and things go wrong, we have to refrain from saying, "I told you that wouldn't work!"  But at the same time, it's not okay for men to "Lord It" over the ladies.  Taking Gods intentions out of context is damaging for both men and women.  History has shown us that.  Other cultures have shown us that.  Keeping God at the center of it is the key.  HIS way of doing things takes all of the guess work out of it and frees us to be happy with who we are as sons and daughters of a God who loves us!

Strive to Always Do Something

A Real Man... He Does Exist!

How does a woman know a real man when she sees him?
One never just “sees” a real man…
A woman feels him in the depths of her innermost heart…
That secret place where God conceals her true inner beauty…
The beauty locked up tight and only revealed to the man who
Knows how to find the key…
A real man feels the physical attraction but isn’t satisfied with that alone…
A real man is clever and wise…
He’s both funny and smart…
He’s handsome and attractive in the most sensual ways…
Yet exhibits discipline and manners…
He’s steady and strong both physically and mentally…
He’s deep and intellectual without being pretentious…
Confident without arrogance…
Leads by example...
He understands that submitting to him
Means to fall under his protection...
He's passionate about what he believes in
Stands his ground when he know's it's best...
His perspective is in the best interest of others...
He's loving and kind…
Generous and helpful…
Gives until it hurts…
And then gives some more!

Juggling... An Amazing Skill or Slow Death of a Happy Life?

Ever feel like you're running from one thing to the next?!  Like you're late for everything but you MUST get there and at least make a showing?!  Like you're the only person on the planet who can solve every problem you're privvy to and it has to be solved RIGHT NOW?!  And the list goes on and on and on...

You never seem to have time to do anything for yourself (go to a movie, dinner with a friend, etc.) because you're either too busy solving the world's problems or exhausted from the effort of trying.
Like a professional juggler performing before a crowd of thousands... you MUST keep every ball in the air and make it look effortless.  Maybe you've let a ball drop in the past and someone, whose expectations of you are pretty high (because you've become an expert juggler), has harshly criticized you.  Maybe you're thinking, "Gee... I can't let these balls drop because if I do... I'm pretty worthless."  

That used to be me... I still catch myself doing it every now and then... but now I'm more aware of it.  My Pastor told me at one time that he was going to send me to "Over-Committer's Anonymous" where we would sit around in chairs and practice telling each other, "NO!".  I thought that was a funny analogy and at the time I just laughed about it, but it stuck with me and to this day I hear his voice saying this very thing whenever I start feeling over-whelmed.

Ever wonder what would happen if you just stood still and let the balls drop to the ground??  I wondered for a long time but did nothing.  Then one day... I realized that there were a lot of people around me who were throwing their balls into my juggling act and I was juggling their balls as well.  They were happy to sit back and enjoy the show and allow me to do all the work on their behalf. Some of them even took credit for MY hard work.  

One day... I threw my hands up and let all the balls come crashing down, figuratively speaking.  I just stood there watching them bounce around and roll away until they all stopped moving.  I pictured myself picking them up one at a time to see which particular ball each one was... one said, "Derek", who's my son and another, "Lauren", my daughter.  I picked them both up and put them in my bucket.  I walked around looking at each of these balls until I had identified the ones that were important and that I and I alone was responsible for.  I put them all in a bucket and sat down to rest for the first time in a VERY long time.  I watched as others slowly and reluctantly came over and picked up their balls and walked away.  Some of them were angry or disgusted that they were suddenly having to take up the slack for ME.  I started to laugh as I realized that I wasn't the only one who wasn't "getting it".  Others will sometimes develop a sense of entitlement... that you some how owe it to them to juggle their balls.  Eventually... the balls were all claimed by their rightful owner.  The number of balls had gone from 20 to 4 in a matter of minutes.  It was amazing how much happier I became and how much time I had for my kids and time to do the things I love to do. 

I learned to be a better leader and a better follower as a result of this epiphany of events.  If I'm an efficient leader, I am a delegator and helping the team succeed by teaching others to do the work.  If I'm an efficient follower, I'm learning to support the leadership of others and do my part to help the team succeed.  Just because someone does things differently than I do does not make it wrong.  Allowing the creativity of a team to flow produces much better results and makes room for the leadership qualities of others to emerge.  The result is that my stress level has dropped dramatically and I'm enjoying my life for the first time in many years.

Are you a professional Juggler???  Are you allowing others to make you responsible for their part?  And more importantly.... are you stifling the growth of others by insisting upon juggling their balls?  Only you can change that!!

Choose the Life You Deserve!!

YOU Are Fearfully and Wonderfully Made!

Did you know that YOU are fearfully and wonderfully made??  Each and every one of you is a special and unique creation.  There is no one else like you anywhere on the earth.  You may be a twin or triplet, etc... and you may look like your siblings, but your personality and who you are on the inside is uniquely YOU!  How cool is that?!

You may strive to be like your "hero" or "idol", Mom or Dad or like someone you know and admire.  Try as you might, your individuality will always shine through.  Who you are is GREAT!  Who you are is FABULOUS!  If you aren't feelin' it for YOU... then let's examine why and let's change that once and for all!

Ask yourself, "WHY, WHAT and WHO?"

WHY am I unhappy?
WHAT can I do to change how I feel?
WHO might be able to help me?

For example:
Maybe you've gained a few pounds because you gave up a team sport or some other activity that helped keep you fit.  Alright... we've identified that you are unhappy with your weight.  The obvious answer to "What can I do to change how I feel?" is that you have to find something to replace your previous form of exercise.  There are any number of things that you can do that are fun, cost very little and can produce great results.

When I played softball (for over 35 years), I had a routine before and after each game which really became a "must" after age 30...  I stretched different muscles/tendons/ligaments for at least 10 seconds (or to a count of 10) for each group. It takes about 5 minutes for the entire routine and I found by doing this, not only did it cut down significantly on getting injured during a game, but I wasn't as sore the next day.  Now, at age 47, I also do some toning.  The toning portion takes about another 10 minutes if I don't cheat :)

Then there's the food... yikes... the food... I love to eat as much as the next person but when I'm not as active, my body doesn't need as much food as it does when I'm playing double-headers two nights a week.  So some simple principles have helped me keep things under control.

Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a queen and dinner like a pauper.  Also a light snack (piece of fruit or a granola bar) at 10am and 2pm is a great way to keep your energy level up and keep your metabolism churning all day.  If you are forced to eat out often, choose from the kids menu (portion control) and always do your best to eat fresh fruits and vegetables daily... it makes all the difference in the world for your digestive system.

So in 15 minutes of exercise a day and by tweaking my eating habits a little... I can effectively change the way my body looks.

So WHY are YOU unhappy... go on... ask yourself!!

WHY am I unhappy, WHAT am I gonna do about it and WHO can help me?

Self-Esteem... A Womans Friend or Foe!

As compassionate, nurturing creatures go... women are emotional about most things.  Self-esteem can be an issue for a lot of us ladies.  First and foremost... know that you can be in control of the thoughts going through your head at any given time.  Most of us run on auto-pilot with our thought processes especially when we are busy.  If you find yourself feeling anxious... STOP whatever it is you are doing at that moment.  Ask yourself this question, "What am I thinking about?"  If you determine that this is the reason for your anxiety, then change what you are thinking about immediately!  I found it was easier said than done sometimes so I made a list of ten (10) things that make me happy when I think of them.  During the time I was re-training my thought life, I had them written down on a little piece of paper and kept it in my pocket every day for a couple of months.  Each time I caught myself thinking on things that brought me down... I pulled out my paper and picked a subject.  One was "Sunshine on the Beach".  I would close my eyes, clear my mind and imagine myself laying on the beach.  I would imagine the warmth of the sun on my face, the smell of an ocean breeze and the sound of the waves and birds.  I could do this for about 2 minutes and change my mood.  It was awesome and I felt the power of it every time I did it.

Take some time and memorize a scripture about it and recite it in your mind if you are busy working and can't get alone for reflection time.  Mine is:

Philippians 4:8
[ Meditate on These Things ] Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.

Sometimes I just say to myself, "Pure, lovely and of good report... Pure, lovely and of good report!"  It works every time!

Stop and Smell the Coffee Brewing

Ever meet someone who just can't make a decision to save their soul??  Something as simple as parking is an ordeal.  Then there are those of us on the opposite end of the scale who have no trouble making decisions.  Right wrong or indifferent we can make a decision.  Sometimes those snap decisions cause us to chase our tails until we discover that we are getting no where.  Both personalities could use a little "help".  One struggles with distraction or fear and one struggles with feeling as though the balls must always be in the air and in motion at all times.  Both can learn from each other and use the same strategy to "change" the way they view decisions.

Every day... a friend of mine wakes up, puts on a pot of coffee, grabs an egg timer, a book and a pen and note pad.  He reads for 30 minutes and then he pauses for reflection.  He thinks about what he has just read for a few moments and then he begins to plan his day or the next phase of a project he's working on.

What I found out is that usually in the time it takes to brew a pot of coffee, you can implement a plan to do even the smallest things more efficiently.  If the decision involves something significant, make a list... write down your thoughts and begin to formulate a plan to implement your decisions.

You'll be glad you did!