The "D" Word

Divorce... This word carries such an ugly connotation. When I hear someone talk about an impending divorce, I still say, "I'm so sorry!". Nearly everyone reacts to my sympathy the same way and they say something like, "It's okay... it's a good thing!" While I know first hand that sometimes divorce is the only solution, it's still a very difficult time for even the most amicable of break-ups. If kids are involved... it can be a disasterous time.

Let's talk first about the over-all decision itself. Ask yourself the hard questions:


1. What is the basic problem?
2. Have I done all I can personally do to resolve it?
3. If not, what more can I do?
4. Am I being rational about the situation?
5. Have I talked about this with someone I trust?

Notice the theme here is "I" and not "he or she". When it comes down to something as serious as this is, it doesn't make any sense to continue to place blame on each other. It's time to do some self-examination and seek outside help from someone who will not immediately jump into the pity boat with you. Talking with someone who has some sense and isn't prone to nodding "yes" to everything you say is crucial. Someone who cares about your spouse is ideal because they tend to be a bit more objective. If you are talking to someone who readily agrees with you without asking questions, they may be your friend or loved one, but they are not the right person to be discussing such an important issue with.

After you have taken a complete look at yourself and your motives you will be in a position to make a better decision about what to do. If you aren't willing to self-examine you could very well be making a very selfish decision that you will later regret. Be sure of what you're doing before you begin something that will alter the lives of your entire family. Make sure you've exhausted every means to self-correct first.
The reason I hit "self-examiniation" so hard is because we honestly cannot control what other people do. We can, however, control our own motives and decisions. Who knows, you may still end up divorced but you will learn something VERY valuable about yourself that will serve you well going forward!