If your child is a "racehorse"... then you already know what that term means. I am the Queen Mother of two "Racehorse" children. A racehorse wants to run... period... end of subject. They are bred to run... it's in the very blood that courses through their veins. When a racehorse runs, their ears don't work (they don't listen), their brains don't work (they don't listen) and they will run until they can't run anymore with no regard for their personal safety or health.
A child with a strong personality is very similar. They are independent, bold and fearless in a lot of ways. A racehorse will attempt to take control away from the rider by biting down on the bit so that the reins and bridle are less effective. A racehorse out of the control of the rider is free to do most anything it wants to do. The jockey has to maintain control of the horse in order to wisely use a strategy to win the race. Without the wisdom of the rider, the horse would attempt to run full bore the entire length of the race. Some horses don't have the stamina to do that and would lose every race if they were allowed to run this way. So, the jockey will hold that horse back until a certain point in the race and then let them run full out to win.
That's me... the racehorse... let's go and git 'er done!! I'm a pusher and I can cover a lot of ground that way, but I can also run myself into the ground (and have more than once). As a child growing up, I finally settled on softball as a way to "run my race". I put a lot of time and energy into the sport up until just a few years ago. I had several different coaches over the years but there were two coaches who were masters at harnessing the gifts in the various team members and pointing the way to victory for us. For me, it was a matter of "taking the bit out of my teeth" and "pulling back on the reins" so that I would listen and learn. I had the athletic gift, but without proper direction and authority, I would have never found out how good I could become at the sport.
My children were no different. Both strong personalities, both wanting to take the bit in their teeth and run. One thing I learned very quickly is that what worked with my son was over-kill for my daughter and I learned to adjust the correction. By the same token, what worked for my daughter was like a gnat flying by son's head. With her, strong verbal correction almost brought her to tears but for my son, it was "just words". Both were extremely smart kids, but both had completely different learning challenges and learning styles. AND... both were very strong, bold and independent kids.
Guess what I have now... two beautiful, very strong, very bold and very independent adults who have produced beautiful, strong, bold and independent grandchildren. Each of my 4 grandchildren has their own unique personality and their gifts and talents are emerging daily. Though there are differences in parenting styles of my two adult children and their spouses, one thing is clear... so far 3 out of 4 grandchildren are racehorses... number 4 is still a baby so time will tell with him :)
Number 1 Grandson is intelligent, wise beyond his years, funny, articulate, creative and a pretty good communicator. He is the first born son of my son. He is bold and independent just like his father. Sometimes he get's the bit in his teeth and he wants to run the show but my son and daughter-in-law are learning to harness his gifts and talents and guide and direct him. He is an absolute joy to be around and you are guaranteed to laugh and drop a jaw in awe at the things he says and does. He's brilliant!
Then there's Number 2 Grandson. He too is intelligent, wise beyond his years, funny, articulate, creative and a pretty good communicator. He is the first-born son of my daughter. He is bold and independent just like his mother. Sometimes he get's the bit in his teeth and he wants to run the show but my daughter and son-in-law are learning to harness his gifts and talents and guide and direct him. He is an absolute joy to be around and you are guaranteed to laugh and drop a jaw in awe at the things he says and does. He is also brilliant!
And we have Number 3 Granddaughter. She a beautiful, tiny, little ball of fire. She is also intelligent, wise beyond her years, funny, articulate, creative and a pretty good communicator. She is the 2nd born of my son. She is bold and independent just like her Father. Sometimes she get's the bit in her teeth and she wants to run the show but my son and daughter-in-law are learning to harness her gifts and talents and guide and direct her. She is an absolute joy to be around and you are guaranteed to laugh and drop a jaw in awe at the things she says and does. She too is brilliant!
Then there's Number 4 Grandson. He is the most adorable, agreeable baby. Laid back, smiles all the time not too demanding. Even though he is only 9 months old, his personality is starting to emerge. No doubt, he will be a racehorse as well. He is an absolute joy to be around as well, ticklish and laughs easily. A brilliant little guy.
Now as you can see... I've pointed out the similarities between not only my adult children, but my grandchildren as well. As any observant human knows, there are also always going to be distinct differences. And because there are distinct differences among my grandchildren, some corrective methods work better than others, however the goal is always the same. Harness the gifts and talents and direct them in a positive direction to obtain a positive outcome. There may be various ways to get there, but the desired end result is the same. Everyone wants their children to be more successful and more well-rounded than they were when they were kids. The full responsibility of achieving this is squarely on the shoulders of every parent. It is true that at some point, the responsibility becomes that of the individual, but as children (who know nothing of the world outside of their world) it is each parents' task to train their child up in the way they should go. Grandparents also play a key role in the training of children as well. But their task is far easier than that of the parents. Grandparents have the luxury of always being the "Good Cop". Grandparents can relax and take full advantage of the fact that the grands behave differently in their presence. When the parents are away, only the Grandparent's rules apply, however it is our job as Grandparents to support our kids and the decisions they make with our grandchildren (the only exception to this is in the case of abuse). Do we stretch it a little on the amount of ice cream a child is supposed to have??? Of course we do. We are Grandparents... it is our duty to spoil the Grandbabies a little. Every child need a Grandparent to trust and talk to. But what we must NEVER do is under-mind the authority of the parents!! We don't have to like the way they do things, but we have an obligation to respect their way of doing things. I think it's okay to ask questions if we don't understand the why, but where the rubber meets the road, we have to back our kids on the parenting thing. We aren't allowed to say to the grands, "I think your mom or dad is too hard on you." Saying things like that lends credence to a child's feelings of life just not being fair.
The truth is... sometimes life isn't fair but adults are a lot more wise than children so it is up to us to stick to our guns, remain consistent and be the bad guy once in a while.
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